i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
