your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
