You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
