Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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