I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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