Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
