I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
