You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
