i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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