Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
