Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
