just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
