ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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