Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
