Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
