i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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