I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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