I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
