I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
