saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
