there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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