Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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