Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
