What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
