To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
