I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
