I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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