If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
