But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
