Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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