He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He has the fingertips of a God
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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