my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
