I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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