literally had 100 drinks last night.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
