Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
