I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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