OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
