john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize