Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
