hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
