Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My vagina just clenched in fear
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
