I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
