I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
