I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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