I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
