I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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