WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
