I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
