where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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