Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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