Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize