am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
