sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
