C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
