Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
