see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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