Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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