every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
