I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
