i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
